My outrageously French friend, Isabelle is from Rennes in Brittany and since I’ve known her has been trying to get me to visit. Her pitch? The promise of hordes of Frenchmen who are well dressed and take some initiative when pursuing women. Oh, and it’s like Paris but without the snobs. Isabelle often exclaims that […]

Plan B.

After a run in with the mentally ill colleague on Soulmates I switched sites. Sadly, Match dot com reminds me of Tesco. There’s a sizeable number of men on there to be sure, however, most appear unable to grasp basic punctuation and specify the desired weight of their potential date. This, in turn makes me […]

No birdseed for Walter Meade.

I had a client once, let’s call him Walter. That’s not his name but I think it fits him quite well. Walter was one of the brightest men I’ve met in my years in homelessness and I had great respect and curiosity for him. He had been arrested after assaulting his landlord because his landlord […]


Diet coke drinking, Marlboro light smoking, risk taking, cackling Alex. Until I moved in with her she had been the coolest girl I’d ever met who was younger than me. She didn’t ever really seem to give a fuck, it was seductive and contagious. She had a car. An artist, an actress and dancer; we […]

Joshua Jackson.

Or Pacey if you will. Biggest crush. OF. MY. TEENAGE. LIFE. I would watch Dawson’s Creek on a Tuesday evening, itching to get downstairs to the common room after the enforced study time at boarding school; before running back up to my room and crying myself to sleep. I loved him that much. Ok, sometimes […]

Karma Chameleon.

When I was 16 and I could no longer work out how scam any more cash from my Mother I turned to crime. Ok, that’s a exaggeration (Sort of). My body was still trying to work out how to be a fully grown woman and shopping for swimsuits was the depths of hell. Then I […]


No, not the Craig McLachlin hit of 1990 but my Nana. I always had a lingering sense of dread about visiting her as a little girl. Maybe it was the Alsatian she kept that always had an erection, or maybe it was the plastic faces of Santa that decorated her house all year round. Maybe […]


Cigarettes have been the longest love affair of my life but are also quite intent on killing me. I smoked for 8 years, 30-40 a day. I was much like a young Dot Cotton; smoking was a part of me. Then when I was 23, I decided I was actually quite fearful of cancer and […]

Hair bully.

Following a slightly fraught dinner on Baker street, my lovely women folk and I were travelling home when I spotted someone opposite us with exceptionally tall hair. I turned to Lisa and whispered, “That woman’s hair is very tall.” Lisa concurred. I continued, “I quite admire it, I don’t think my hair would be capable […]

I voted for David Cameron.

Were the five words that signalled the beginning of the end of my date with W. As previously mentioned, I’m trying to get back on the horse, so to speak; after the sudden disappearance of A. I’m not quite sure how I held a straight face during the following gems; I know people who were […]