Understanding a.

Earlier this year I fell in love with a man. The man’s name is a. I’ve mentioned him, albeit briefly, in previous posts.

I was not meant to fall in love with him.

I was meant to feel casually toward him.

I fell in love by mistake.

We spent a rather wonderful four months together and then one Sunday morning, it was suddenly over and I was crying, in Balham, in the rain.

During the riots I contacted him because I missed him and I was worried about him and I was frightened and wanted a cuddle. I told him that if the world was ending that he was the one person I wanted to see.

In hindsight this was a slight exaggeration.

There are several people I would want to see in that scenario but I digress.

This week I discovered he was on twitter and stated as much in my feed without mentioning his username.

Two days later I received an email from him wishing me a happy birthday. I was elated for six hours until I realised it is unlikely he will respond further.

It’s confounding/unsettling/saddening to think that he keeps reading what I write but doesn’t want to see me.

Or more importantly, follow me.

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One thought on “Understanding a.

  1. I too received a birthday wish from a guy that I fell in love with by accident a while after we had parted ways. I appreciated that he took the time to be civil but I almost wish he hadn’t written at all.

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