I am having a bad time.
I am blaming this entirely on the fact that I am a 29 year old woman, mid way through her first year of an undergraduate nursing degree.
I thought I knew what it felt like to be a student, I’d done an access course part time for a year and enjoyed it. I’d made friends, I’d learnt things, crucially, I hadn’t felt old and stupid.
I wish someone had told me that university would be different.
Okay, so they did. They did say that. They said it would be harder. I thought they meant academically.
What’s actually hard is being 29 amongst lots of 19 year olds, who still remember everything from their A levels because they’ve just done them. What’s hard is having been a respected, experienced and reasonably well paid person in your previous job to BEING NONE OF THOSE THINGS.
Oh god, I’m so poor. And wrong. I’m so often wrong.
I love nursing but this isn’t nursing, this is the three whole years of my life that come before nursing. I wish I had done this earlier. I wish I was born in an era that trained nurses solely in the hospital. I wish I could stop having heart palpitations. I wish I hadn’t possibly eaten horse meat earlier this week.