I wish, I wish I didn’t kill that fish.

I am having a bad time.

I am blaming this entirely on the fact that I am a 29 year old woman, mid way through her first year of an undergraduate nursing degree.

I thought I knew what it felt like to be a student, I’d done an access course part time for a year and enjoyed it. I’d made friends, I’d learnt things, crucially, I hadn’t felt old and stupid.

I wish someone had told me that university would be different.

Okay, so they did. They did say that. They said it would be harder. I thought they meant academically.

What’s actually hard is being 29 amongst lots of 19 year olds, who still remember everything from their A levels because they’ve just done them. What’s hard is having been a respected, experienced and reasonably well paid person in your previous job to BEING NONE OF THOSE THINGS.

Oh god, I’m so poor. And wrong. I’m so often wrong.

I love nursing but this isn’t nursing, this is the three whole years of my life that come before nursing. I wish I had done this earlier. I wish I was born in an era that trained nurses solely in the hospital. I wish I could stop having heart palpitations. I wish I hadn’t possibly eaten horse meat earlier this week.

The end.

Follow @NurseBlurg

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One thought on “I wish, I wish I didn’t kill that fish.

  1. That whole paragraph about the age gap and not having any of the responsibility/respect that comes with a job (even if the respect is just for yourself!) hit home with me. One on one or small groups I usually enjoy, but me against the whole year group feels tough. Can't believe I've still got another three years to go.

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