Spitting.

I am not very good at spitting.

Clearly, I had not been paying full enough attention during the scene in Titanic where Kate Winslet is taught how and didn’t realise that this would ever present any problems for me.

Then, I was in a play where I had to spit at one of the other actors. I explained to the director that I was not very good at spitting but she told me to try it anyway.

I declined because I was scared that it would dribble down my chin and the person I fancied in the play would go off me.

In later years I discovered that the person I fancied didn’t like girls anyway and I should have just given it a go because it would have made the scene funnier.

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